At Peace Despite Depression

I have been out of the hospital for slightly over a week. I was in a psych unit due to suicide idealization. While I was in the hospital my medication was completely changed. They work great! Since my release I have been feeling great. My friends who do not understand what I have been through but try to give me advice… unwelcome advice. I know that she means well. The way the person talks it sounds as if she is stressed for me. My decision is to keep the peace and not stress.

Due to something that I told the psychiatrist I was terminated from my job. Instead of being supportive she decided to give me advice. She mentioned that my hospital bill would be expensive. Continuing she said that for the future I should find other ways to reach out to people so that it’s not so expensive. Towards the end she asked me if I would do anything different knowing that I would be fired. I told her no. I would not do ANYTHING different. I am at peace with my life and am not thinking ahead to bills or things that I have no control over. I have decided to take things one day at a time. If I live in the past or the future then I will miss the present.

In addition to that each day I fight to not have irrational thoughts. That is something I have a hard time with. When I do have those kind of thoughts it’s because I’m either living in the past or future. An example of an irrational thought would be, me replaying a conversation I had with a friend over and over and trying to read into it. My friend J told me that she could understand why I would be tempted to do that. To me that statement lead me to think that she felt that I was capable to harm someone else instead of me having a thought to harm someone. I had to keep telling myself that it was in the past. Don’t look into it so much. Last but not least focus on today. That is something I have to tell myself often. But so far it has been helpful.

Autumn

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